Mistified
by dancerljc
Summary: In a freak hiccup accident, Mistoffelees gets changed into a female cat. Send in one womanizing best friend and you are sure to get some interesting situations. Tugger/Misto-centric. Don't like, don't read.
1. Chapter 1

Before reading I must inform you I don't own Cats, or any of that nonsense. I'm just simply having fun here.

Also, if you don't like the idea of creatures changing genders or a vague idea of homosexual type interests, then please hit the back button and save yourself the trouble.

And with that, please enjoy my _FIRST_ Tugger/ Mistoffelees story!

Mistoffelees wasn't sure the day could get any worse; life was complicated enough as it was. Sure being the original conjuring cat made you special, but this was just ridiculous. Drink water too quickly, you get the hiccups. Okay, fine. Hiccup too hard and you turn into a queen. Not so fine. Plus the hiccupping had stopped, so this wasn't going to just fix itself.

This was unpleasant. Mistoffelees didn't feel right, he didn't smell right, and Everlasting Cat only knew he probably didn't sound right either. Then again, he might just sound normal now, what with his body matching some of his more feminine tendencies.

A rather heavy sigh escaped between his white lips; hopefully it would somehow wear-off before anything to awkward or embarrassing happened.

"Mistoffelees!" Wrong.

_WONDRFUL!_ Was the only thing Mistoffelees could think of when he heard the voice his best friend. One Rum Tum Tugger and one Sexually Confused "Little Buddy" didn't sound like a recipe one should try in anything but theory. Too bad the curious cat didn't get the memo.

"What on earth were you doing in order to get that monstrosity of a bow around your neck?" Tugger asked once he was within a foot of the conjuror.

"You wouldn't believe me even if I told you." Was all Mistoffelees answered with. Now normally this would send Tugger into a childish sweep of pleas that would make his genetic longevity seem questionable. However, Mistoffelees was greeted with nothing but silence. Well, what was one to expect when a queen's voice came from your lips instead of ones usual deeper set tom-voice.

"I'm sorry Babe, no insult intended I just thought- "

"I know exactly what you thought Tugger. The problem is you thought _right_ for once." Mistoffelees let out a sigh as he layed down in the alley. When he looked up he saw one of the rarest sights he'd ever seen in his short feline life. Not only was Tugger's eyebrow raised in confusion and surprise – nothing too surprising, for that was a look he wore often around the little tuxedo – but his mouth had also dropped to the ground.

"It's me Tugger, I'm "Mr. Mistoffelees, the original conjuring cat". Though one has to wonder as to whether it is "Mister" anymore…Oh do shut your mouth, it's obscene."

Tugger snapped his mouth so hard and so quickly Mistoffelees could hear his teeth click. After a few moments of awkward silence Tugger final ventured to ask the only question he could think of.

"What happened, Misto?" He asked rather shakily as he lay down in front of his long time friend. Sighing, Mistoffelees related his short, sad, and horrendously embarrassing tale.

"I drank water to quickly and gained the hiccups. While trying to stop them they just got worse and soon I was quaking along with the hiccups, created enough friction with the ground to cause static electricity – and you and I both know what happens when I do that – and suddenly there goes my now haywire magic, and now here I stand as a queen with an obnoxious bow around my neck, no hiccups to perhaps reverse the problem, and no ounce of courage to go find help. " Upon ending Mistoffelees put his head down on his outstreached paws and gave a grownd a mournful expression.

"Well at least you make one hot looking queen there "Mrs." Mistoffelees." At this Mistofelees lifted his, no _her_, head to see one snerky looking Rum Tum Tugger staring back.

"Fuck You!"

"Sure. Why not?"

Mistoffelees very quickly found herself cowering several feet away from Tugger, that even she was slightly amazed. It was then that both heard a distinct voice yelling their names just outside the alleyway.

AN:

So…the question now becomes whether or not anyone wants me to continue.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I just about fell over when I saw the reviews!! THANKS EVERYONE!!! Now I will say I'm about to impose myself into the story. Why? Because it is so much easier figuring out how I would feel/react to a situation. And since I'm already trying to decipher the reaction of _felines_, I thought I deserved a break. Hopefully you all like this as well.

"Mistoffelees…Tugger?" A distinct voice could be heard echoing down the alleyway.

"I know you two are here somewhere!" The voice had now become distinctly loud and feminine.

"CRAP! Tugger, what am I supposed to do?!? She can't see me like this!" Tugger couldn't help but snort. Mistoffelees voice was usually an octave higher when agitated, but this was boarder-line shrill.

"Oh calm down, she's human. Humans don't notice anything."

"Uh huh…two pieces of catnip says she'd notice a sex change."

"You're on! Oh look, here she comes."And with that announcement, the sound of high-heels could be heard reverberating down the alley.

"There you are! Where have you two been all day? You usually come back for lunc-…ahh!" I tripped, and nearly fell, on the junk littering the path in my haste to retrieve my errant cats.

Upon reaching them, I noticed the bowtie collar I usually had around Mistoffelees' neck had been replaced by a big black bow. Not that it wasn't cute, mind you, but still.

"What have you been up to all day that it warranted the gifting of such a pretty bow, Mistoffelees?" I heard a strange sound then; something between a snort, a hack, and a purr. It seemed to have come from Tugger. I simply looked down with a bemused look on my face. Tugger looked up then with his usual "kitty smile" and I had no doubt that I had just heard my cat laugh.

Mentally shaking myself I picked up my bowed tuxedo to see what was up with the ribbon, when I noticed something was off. Literally. Now I am not that perverted a person that I would stare at a cats genitals, but last I checked neither of my _male_ cats were neutered. I could feel my eyebrow raise while my brow began to line in puzzlement. I held "Mistoffelees" at arms length. This cat was _female_. But it **was** my cat, because only my cat had those strange thick black eyebrows on his otherwise white face (A/N: I love Misto's stage make-up). And there – there was the little gold tag I had put on Mistoffelees as a kitten should he ever get lost.

"What the _HELL_!?!" Was all I got out when it happened: My cat cried. Now I've heard dogs cry, but never a cat. This was beyond pitiful.

"Oh, Misto…" I pulled my cat close and started cuddling him, no _her_, like a baby who had just fallen.

I looked over at Tugger, and he simply stared back.

"You know, I can now add to more things to my list of "Strange Things My Cats Do": change sex and cry."

"What else is on that list?"

"Oh you know pull my silk underwear out of the bureau drawer so as not to destroy it , some how levitate the cat nip to the ground and back onto the shelf without disturbing anything, let alone the bag and…" with that I realized something. I looked at Tugger. His head was tilted to the side with a smirk plastered on his face.

"Did you just _talk_?"

"Let's just say, Lindsay, there are a few more things to add to that list of yours."

And with that, my world went black.

Okay ladies and gents…that would be chapter 2. Now why add myself, easy: someone would have had to notice, especially since it's said Misto has owners. Besides, a lot of action will probably take place at the "home" and not the junkyard. Why? Well wouldn't you be a bit embarrassed? Don't worry though, you will still see the others. Maybe, I don't know yet.


	3. Chapter 3

I slowly came to with the help of two rough tongues rubbing against my face. With out thinking I began swatting at the miscreants. Guess they didn't get the message, because I ended up cracking my knuckle at the same time I heard a cat yelp from pain.

"Well that's what you get you stupid cat…"

"I'm not stupid, and its not my fault you fainted. It's Tugger's!" That woke me up real quickly. Too bad no one told me that sitting up quickly after falling to the ground in a faint was the worst idea ever.

"Owww…." There was blinding pain behind my eyes. Now I remember why I made a point of not waking up with a hang over. Slowly I looked up to see my cats looking back. Ok, so they weren't looking back exactly. Tugger's attention was swiftly moving from Mistoffelees, to me, and back again. Mistoffelees on the other hand seemed to be the spitting feline image of me at the moment. And then I saw it, that ridiculous, black bow. I would have liked to burn that piece of shit. It was its fault this whole mess stared! My eyes began to narrow the longer I stared.

"You know, if you stare hard enough, you might just be able to light Misty's neck on fire." I slowly looked over at Tugger with a quizzical face. Mistoffelees however seemed to be trying to light Tugger on fire with his, no her, no its, own death glare.

"What did you just call me?!?"

"Well, face it hot stuff. You're female. Best have your name reflect it." The look he gave Mistoffelees could only be classified as a leer. I very quickly found myself sporting a cat shawl, which was very quickly morphing into a cat hat.

"That's it, I need strong alcohol, and you two have a lot of explaining to do." With that I slowly stood up so as not roll an ankle or toss a cat. Truthfully I sympathized with "Misty". Going from male to female, to having your companion hit on you (cause that's the only way I could describe what Tugger did) was a bit traumatizing. She deserved to be carried undisturbed. Thankfully I hadn't ruined my red skirt or white dress shirt in my fall, and little to no dirt had accumulated as well. Lord only knows I still had to walk back to my flat; I didn't need people staring more than they needed too.

Upon entering my humble abode I quickly went about relieving myself of my work attire, only to replace it with sweats. As I exited my room, I began wishing that I hadn't.

"Oh come on Misty, you need to be properly inducted into queen-hood. And I am just that cat to do it!"

"You stay away from me!" Mistoffelees' screech was bordering desperation. I was quickly realizing that I probably owned the most perverted cat in town. I decided to voice this opinion to see what the response would be. Not was expecting, that's for sure.

"You do NOT _own_ us! We own you!" While Tugger focused his attention on me so as to deliver this little speech, Mistoffelees quickly dove under the couch.

"You're right about Tugger's perversions, though." Her voice was muffled, but Mistoffelees meaning was quite clear. My poor cat!

"Riiiiight…" I walked slowly over to my couch to sit down. Mistoffelees, realizing that I might just protect her, very quickly came out of her hiding place and jumped into my lap.

"Now that we're all comfortable, feel like explaining everything to me?"

"Would you like a drink now or later?" Mistoffelees was staring so intently at me one would think that the fate of the world depended on my answer.

"Now…?" And with that, a freshly opened Smearnoff Ice sat on the coffee table before me. I reared back in my seat. Mistoffelees licked her paws and Tugger rolled over with laughter.

"Subtle, Misty, subtle!"

"What can I say, it's easier to show than tell. And don't call me Misty!"

"Well "Misto" doesn't fit anymore now that you're female."

I simply to ok the bottle and drank deeply. Once done the cats began to talk again.

"Remember how you said we were strange? Well here's the thing, I do magic. And it was my magic getting out of control that turned me into a tom cat this afternoon. Oh do calm down, I'm not in the midst of a hiccupping fit, so you're fine."

"You're pretty fine yourself."

"And you are sleeping on the couch tonight. I don't need Mistoffelees cowering against me tonight while I try to sleep. Yeesh!" Thankfully the alcohol was starting to take some of the edge off from the day.

"Ok, so you do magic. What about Tugger, does he have any special abilities? You know jump building in a single bound?"

"Hardly. He's more likely to hurt himself than do something amazing."

"HEY!"

"Although, some might say making every female cat for miles give up her common sense is a pretty fantastical trick."

"Ahh… so can all cats talk as well?"

"Only if they're Jellicals."

"Say what?"

"Jellicals, we're the cats that do the amazing things in this world." Tugger seemed rather pleased with himself for contributing to the conversation. I was beginning to understand why "Misty" was always so agrivated.

"Ah. Anything else I should know before I call it a day?"

"My father's the leader, and my older brother is in charge. Speaking of which, we need to talk to one, or both, of them about this."

"I think I'd like to keep this a secret."

"They might be able to help."

"I'll think about it." With that I took the final swig of my drink, picked up Mistoffelees, walked into my bedroom and closed the door in Tugger's face.

A/N: Sorry this took so long, I had a bit of writer's block. Hopefully this will go a little more smoothly from now on. Or not, we'll see. Oh and if you didn't get it, the human is in a daze, so the less info the better in her mind!

P.S. Reviews are like candy!


End file.
